Mind Doodles

What I Don't Know.....and do know.....

One major truth that has become very clear to me is that parenting is filled with unknowns.  The days simply don’t unfold the way we anticipate, and we don’t always have the answers or know how to do what God calls us to do.  We often feel like we don’t know how to be good parents.

       Before our first child, Kelsey, was born, I pictured myself being a confident, capable mother, perfectly meeting my child’s needs. That is, until the day after we brought her home.  I noticed that her nails were a little too long and they needed trimming—I proceeded to clip her nail, as well as a little skin. . .which caused no small amount of crying, screaming and bleeding.  I soon found out that I couldn’t always stop her crying.

       Along the way, there have been many other questions with no easy answers.

Questions like:

When is a child sick enough to stay home from school. . .

                                                or sick enough to call the doctor?

How long is long enough to keep her artistic masterpiece up on the refrigerator?

When is flexibility more important than consistency, or the exception more important than the rule?

When is it more important to let a child wear her chosen, ridiculously mismatched outfit than to pick out a perfectly matched one for her? 

                What is more important, her need to gain confidence in making choices or my need to                 have her look good?

Where do I find enough patience to respond correctly when the juice spills (again) and oozes into the tablecloth and through the crack in the table onto the floor?

 

       Along the way, I’ve also learned that being a parent means not only living with lots of unknowns, but also trusting what I do know in the midst of those unknowns.

This is what I do know:

I know that God called Greg and me to be parents.

He gave us two daughters as part of His divine plan for them and for us, and we can trust Him.

I also know that when He calls us to a place or a task, he also equips and enables us for those tasks—not always instantly, but as a part of a process of growth and change.  And where we make mistakes, and we’ve made plenty, we can trust Him to transform even our mistakes into something good,

                                                        as impossible as that sometimes seems. 

 

 

It's Official

Something changed in our home today.  

Greg and I no longer have any children at home.

Courtney turned 18.

We are now the parents of two adults.

Weird.

More on this momentous occassion later.

Senior Year--Chapter 2

Here we go again.

Today marks the first day of Courtney's last year in high school.  

Here she is all dressed up in her dress uniform--she added a great accessory for a pop of color!

Doesn't she look fabulous!  

I can't believe my baby is a senior.  

It seems like 1992, when we brought her home from the hospital, was just yesterday.

Congratulations Courtney!  You're starting a fantastic adventure!

 You've gotta love that smile!  I sure do.

Samford University--Chapter 2

On Monday, we loaded up the truck (and car) and made the trek back down to Birmingham, Alabama.  It is already time for Kelsey to start school again.  As I knew it would, the summer flew by.  

I must say, I was emotionally in better shape this year than I was last year at this time.  Don't get me wrong--I hated to see her go.  We have LOVED having her home.  Greg and I have enjoyed watching our two girls have so much fun together this summer.  They have laughed a lot.  They spent a lot of time together and that makes us happy. 

But, I know that it's time for Kelsey to get back and press on.  She's got friends waiting and adventures in store.  So, here are some pictures of the trip.  (BLOG WARNING--there are lots of pictures!)

  

Heading Out (yes, this is all her stuff)

When we arrived in Birmingham--we headed to one of their famous Bar-be-cue Joints.

 

Just in case you were going to...... 

 

The Room 

 

Kelsey has a room to herself this year so she had A LITTLE more space to work with.

 

Notice who is lying around while the work is getting done--little sister.

This is one of her closets--she made it into a nook for her dresser, refrigerator and microwave.

 

(Notice who is lying around again.)

She made one of the other closets into a nook for her desk.

You can see her clothes closet on the left.

 

The Goodbye Pictures

 

   

        On the way home, we stopped in South Carolina at Clemson Univerisity.  Courtney is a senior this year... 

Here we go again..........

 

Clemson University 

  

  

  

 

 

 

Reading is FUNdamental

I love to read.  I mean, I really love it. 

When I've finished reading a book, I often get this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I feel a little lonely.  (All of you readers know what I mean.) Because of this, I always have a new book waiting in the wings.  I've found that if I start right in to another book, I don't "suffer" as much.  

A few years ago, I joined a book club so that I could hang out with other bookworms like me.  I have loved it.  I love being exposed to books that I might never have read.  More often than not, I am delighted.

One of the first things I do when moving to a new place is to find the library and get a library card.            I could spend an entire day in the library or a bookstore perusing the shelves.

I have always loved to read.                                                                                                                     I have childhood memories of Saturdays--lying across my bed and reading for the better part of the day.  

Somehow--I have not produced children who are readers at heart.  I feel like I did all the right things as a young mom--read to my kids constantly--filled the house with children's books--took them to story time at the library--continued to read aloud books as they got older.  

AND--when they were younger, they enjoyed it.  But, something happened as they grew older.  They grew out of love with books.

Now, I will have to say--they attended a school that required a lot of reading--even in the summer.  I'm not sure how much impact that had. 

It has always saddened me really.  They just don't know what they've been missing.

BUT

A couple of years ago, something happened.  They rediscovered reading.  

It happened in a way I wouldn't have necessarily chosen, but, sometimes that's the way it happens.  They wanted to read the Twilight books.  I wasn't at all interested in reading them and I really wasn't too crazy about my girls reading them.  However, Kelsey was 18 and Courtney was almost 17, so I decided to let loose on the reigns and say ok.  

And guess what happened?  

When they finished those books--they kept reading. They started asking me for suggestions of good books to read. They always have a book that they are working on.  

I love that.

It warms my heart.

So let this be a lesson for all you parents who feel like your child is never going to "get" what you are trying to teach.  There is hope.

A Blood Story

People that know me well know that I don't do blood.  

I'm not sure when this phobia started.  I don't necessarily think I had it growing up. (Mom, you might disagree).  I do know that I have NEVER enjoyed having my blood drawn--to the embarrassment of my "medical technologist mom". 

But besides blood tests, I hate seeing blood.  I hate talking about blood.  I hate thinking about blood. When the subject comes up, I begin to feel my fingers tingling.  Then, my palms sweat, and my stomach feels like I am on a roller coaster.  

I have issues.

People ask me. . .How in the world did you handle having kids?

I'm not sure.  

When they were born, I didn't watch.  

Then, as they grew--we never had many injuries.  We have just been really fortunate.

Greg handles the blood.

Greg doesn't do vomit.

It just makes him gag. And then he just throws up, too. Which usually isn't much help.

So, he's not very helpful with a sick child in the middle of the night.

I handle the vomit.  

Teaching first graders for many years helped me to cope with that.  I just click into "get 'er done" mode and clean it up.  

Greg handles the blood, I handle the vomit.  It's a perfect union.

Last night around 10 pm, Greg got a call.                                                                                                     I could tell it was serious.                                                                                                                         Then, I noticed that he was purposefully talking very calmly.                                                                   My radar said that he was doing that for me.                                                                                            

I knew that one of the girls was hurt and he was trying to keep me from panicking.  

Then he said, "We will meet you at the emergency room".

Kelsey had been in a soccer accident and had split her head.  She needed stitches.  Apparently, as soon as it happened, she said, "Don't tell Mom!"  That's because they know me.

My girls know--if there's blood involved--call Dad. And there was lots of blood involved. When it came to deciding who would go back into the examining room with her, the choice was evident--Dad, of course.  

I'm so thankful that he's there to take up the slack where I lack.  

Talking With Your Kids About Sex

It seems like I have been in lots of conversations with parents about this lately.  (LOTS)  Mostly, parents are wondering when it is appropriate and necessary to have "the talk".

Before having kids, this seems so easy.  People talk about how and when it should be done and give all kinds of advice.  

THEN, you have kids and that all changes.  

When it's YOU having the talk with YOUR CHILD, suddenly it's a little more intimidating.

Some people think it's best to wait until a child starts asking questions.  Unfortunately today, because so much information is so readily available, kids might not ask you the questions. 

Parents have to be proactive with their kids. They are hearing messages from everywhere else:  the media, the schools, the neighbors and their friends.  But, what they really need is for parents to help them navigate the challenges of male/female relationships.

No one understands the difficulty of this more than me.   We have two daughters, so naturally this responsibility fell to me as opposed to their dad.  I'd like to say that I did it all right and that the conversations went smoothly with no awkwardness.  

BUT

THAT'S 

JUST 

NOT

TRUE.

But, guess what, we muddled through it and I think we are all glad we did. 

I'm so thankful that in the mix of all they have learned from friends and the media, what is loud and clear is:

God's plan for men and women. 

Teaching children about sex isn't just about "the talk".  Lessons actually begin during the preschool years. That's when it is most natural to talk about body parts and appropriate touching.  I think this is when it is best to introduce the concept of modesty to girls.  (We'll talk more about this subject another time).

As children get older, they need to understand more about biology, about their bodies, about how a baby grows in the womb.  When they approach the preteen years, they need to understand the differences about the way boys and girls think, why the way a girl dresses is important (there's that modesty subject again) and God's design for sex.  

Whew!  There's a lot for us to do as parents.  But, it's what God has called us to.  And helping to shape the hearts of our kids is such a privilege. 

Tomorrow, I will give you a list of some resources that can help you with this subject.

Living the Simple Life--Snow Day

I know it's Saturday.  But, it's still a forced day off--A SNOW DAY! 

There's just something wonderful about being stuck at home with your family.  

I've talked to several moms over the past 24 hours and the conversation centered on the same topic--

The benefits of a snow day.  

Here are a few I heard:

The whole family stays home.

All day PJ Day!

We get to sleep in!

We actually get to share some meals together.

It's a great time to connect with your neighbors.

It's nice to cancel your "life" for a day or two.

You can't get to the grocery store, so you have to be creative about coming up with something to eat.

I'll finally get some good pictures of my kids.

We all recognize the benefits of disconnecting with the world and hanging out with our families, but it often takes outside circumstances to make it happen.  

I'm glad for today and I plan to enjoy it.

Hope you do, too.

                      Here's Toby--begging for someone to get the ball and play with him.                             

He got tired of waiting for us and just decided to get it for himself. 

 

 

Looking Ahead to Christmas

I know!  I know!  It's not even Halloween yet!  

But, I really wanted to give you a heads up.

Years ago, I discovered a wonderful read-aloud book for the Christmas season.  At the time, I picked it up off a clearance rack.  Since then, it has been out of print and now is back in print.  The name of the book is Jotham's Journey.  You may have heard me talk about this before, but it is worth repeating.  

This is a great story for families to read together.  It is an adventure story, so some parts get a little exciting.  The story follows ten-year-old, Jotham, across Israel as he searches for his family.  Though he faces thieves, robbers and kidnappers, Jotham also encounters the wise men, shepherds and innkeepers until he at last find his way to the Savior--born in Bethlehem.

Jotham's Journey is divided into short chapters for each day of Advent, giving families an opportunity to create a seasonal tradition of storytelling in their home.  The author, Arnold Ytreeide, the founder of Storyteller Productions,  is a storyteller who cares deeply about spiritual growth in families. 

Our girls loved this book.  We read it to them when they were 6 and 8.  The next year, we found the second book in the series, Bartholomew's Passage to read.  And the following year, Tabitha's Travels, the final book in the series was available. Even now, at 17 and 19, they would still enjoy reading it together as a family!  Honest!  I have recommended this book to many friends over the years and they have all considered it a great addition to their family traditions.

So, get ahead of the game and order it from Amazon.  You will need to start it at the beginning of the Advent season, which begins this year on November 29. That's just around the corner!

Happy Reading!

Time Flies

The day I found out I was pregnant 19 years ago, I went out and bought a journal to record my thoughts. I've been writing in it ever since.  Sometimes months go by between writings, at times--a year.  

But the thing that is constant is that every thought and prayer written in this book centers around our firstborn--Kelsey.  

Here was the first entry:

April 19, 1990

Today was my first visit to the doctor.  It was a relief to find out that I really am pregnant.  Even though I was sure that I was, it was nice to hear it from the doctor. . .We heard the heartbeat!  It's really amazing to me that there is a living being growing inside of me. . .Dr. Soper said that the baby should come sometime at the end of October.

And the entry last Wednesday:

August 19, 2009

We are leaving  for Birmingham, Alabama, this morning to take Kelsey to college.  

Can it really be over?--Her days of living at home with us?  It went so fast!  

All of her childhood days are still so vivid in my mind.  I can recall them perfectly at a moment's notice.  

I don't need this book to remind me of all we have experienced up until this point.  Every moment is stored away in my mind and in my heart.  

Today. . .at this moment, I am so sad.  I feel as though someone is reaching in and ripping out my heart.

In a minute. . .I will go into her room and wake her up.  And when I do, I will replace this sadness for extreme joy.  This is a wonderful day for my daughter.  She begins a new adventure--that there is no doubt God is leading her into.  

I will rejoice because,

"He who began a good work in her, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6)

God is up to something in Kelsey and part of that will happen at Samford University.